{the end creates beginnings)

It is getting so close to D-day, I figured I better jot down my thoughts.  In a way it seems like I have been pregnant forever + a day... in another, it seems time has flown by at record speed.  I go to appointments every Monday and last week I was dilated to a 2 but not yet thinning.  I felt that was a good place to be.  That week I contracted incredibly every single night consistently.  The most painful "practice" contractions I've ever experienced with any of my  children so far.  I would get frustrated when I woke in the morning, but figured all that work would be less work in the hospital.  When I arrived at my appointment this week I first had an ultrasound.  Dr. Lewis likes to check things out again at the end of the pregnancy to evaluate size, position, fluid levels, etc.  Unfortunately, O is really squished at this point including a placenta in his face, so pictures were hard to capture.  However, the tech said he believes Owen to be about 7lb. 9oz. with little fluid, but normal levels.  He is in position and ready to go! 

Next, I went to my OB appointment.  I told Dr. Lewis about how my contractions had been and also some other physical changes that had taken place and that I was quite sure I was near labor.  I also told him if I hadn't progressed after all that work I'd cry.  I was joking.  However, magically, when he checked me and told me I was still a 2... I broke out into sobs.  I was so embarrassed, frustrated, tired and... bummed.  All that pain and discomfort for... NOTHING!  Ugh!  I had also been frustrated because people who were due near me had been either started or gone into labor on their own.  I knew this would be hard because I'm always the last one to go when I am due near friends.  Don't know why... it just is so. 

Well, by the next day I was over my pity party.  I really was so tired Monday and I think my exhaustion from all the hard work my body was experiencing and my emotions were high.  The rest of the week, including today, I still feel anxious, nervous, DONE, hopeful, nervous, excited...  and in all actuality, I cant believe the day is truly almost here.  For several reasons my thoughts are all over the place... how will Chloe adjust?  How will my labor be?  Will he be ok?  How big is this little monster, really???  Will my labor be similar to Saydee?... Chloe?... Neither???  What will he look like?  Will I adjust well to three children?  Will I be as crazy/anxious as I was the first few months after Chloe was born?  Will they really be able to give Mike time off this time?  What on earth will my hospital tab be up to after this go round?  How quickly will I lose all this weight?  And on, and on, and on...

All in all, I truly am so grateful that what was once a desire that seemed impossible is happening right before my eyes.  My body has been through so much and it has defeated many odds.  I am grateful that things have been relatively "easy" and that we are near the end.  I can't wait to meet baby Owen and fall deeply madly in love... for the 4th time! 

Love my family so much!
xo