NaPs... To Be oR NoT To Be

This post is more of a venting session. A session to avoid calling up my mother and saying something I've said a time or two before. A session so I don't have to call Mike and complain while he works hard everyday so that I CAN stay home with Saydee. So- beware... if you don't want to include yourself in this vent session... skip this post and mooooove on:) If you are curious, here goes! :)

Three years old seems to be the age when naps have a confusing role and purpose in life. Naps are wonderfully refreshing- if you so choose to surrender to them. They rejuvenate. They recharge. They make the seemingly dull grass greene again. However, they do NOT define independence which what being three is ENTIRELY about. At three, you are proving you can do things, "by me OWN self!" You are proving that you are smarter than any other human being who has ever lived. At three... you are not to succumb to weakness. You are not to give in to things that you did not think of on your own firstly. So, naps... they just aren't necessary... or are they? Do they belong... or don't they? Should you fight or give in?

So today I have spent two hours trying to wait for the eye lids on Saydee's beautiful blues to become heavy... For the peace and serenity to take over her. Two hours! It is a matter of fact when I tell you that I am now MORE tired than I was at the beginning of the two hour fiasco and have wasted those hours by the door of her room putting her back in her bed in addition to the many hours I will now waste out of exhaustion from losing a battle to a much shorter, stronger, younger... me! And now I ask myself.... why? Why did I fight. Her poor little body showed all the signs of the need for sleep. I wanted to do her a favor. I wanted to put an end to her misery.

And, as I type this vent session... big-bellied, beyond emotionally exhausted, and defeated... I realize, once again, that this will be one of many battles between Miss Saydee and I that I will put all my heart into because I see the better good it will do for her if she would only listen... and the harm it will do if she doesn't. In the end, she will make her own decision. I will not force her to physically do something she doesn't choose to do. It's impossible. The more I stress its importance and the more it seems I am taking her independence from her- the more she will struggle, fight, and prove that she is her OWN person and must learn on her own. Though I will be tired, bruised, and saddened... she must learn on her own. But, OHHHHHH!!! It is trying. And, tired as I may be... I still look at her and smile. I still look at her with love. And... she WILL fall asleep, but only when she can't fight her nodding head and rolling eyes another moment. And, that moment will be when it's entirely inconvenient for me!

So, it goes without saying, today was a day in the course of nature. Today was just one of those days. A day that I will end forgetting all about those two hours. A day where we will both go to bed saying, "I love you" and "I had a great day with you today." A day where in a week or so Saydee will remind me that sometimes I am mean to her and she will replay verbatim the details of today to make sure I know she hasn't forgotten that I am not EXACTLY her best friend all the time. And, as much as it will hurt my feelings, it will make me smile too... I will smile because as long as she remembers those times, it will mean that I am her parent and that I am doing my job. The job that never came with description, salary, promotions, or manuals. Nonetheless, the GREATEST job of all!

Oh, Saydee... I love ya!